19. More on Change is Possible
This seems obvious; however, I need to say it:
Change can’t and won’t happen unless and until we do something different.
The challenge is that we often want change, but don’t have ways of knowing how. Even though what they are doing isn’t working, people tend to want to keep doing what is familiar and comfortable and often don’t want to let go of old patterns and behaviors. This relates to Attempted Solutions that I have written about in previous Articles. Often, the Attempted Solution we get caught in is trying to understand why we are the way we are and where it came from.
As a therapist, I don’t want to contribute to doing more of the same that hasn’t been working. It is my job to help people learn to examine the possibility of change at a different level. In therapy sessions, I teach skills and tools to access inner resources and internal answers to change old programs that have been operating from to help make their life work better.
Motivation for change can come from one of 2 directions: moving away from pain or moving toward pleasure. Most often we wait until things get so bad that we have to do something different. For myself and with clients, I prefer to focus on goals, allowing for motivation toward what we do want, allowing us to find what we need to do to achieve our goals.
Initially, it is useful to help my clients learn there is nothing wrong with them; that they are not their diagnosis. They have been doing the best they could under the on the circumstances they were in. The goal is to find ways to let go of past patterns and responses that no longer serve them. The ways people have tried to change has set up an inner resistance, which creates the response of holding on tighter to unwanted patterns. As a professional, it is my role to help guide my clients to make the changes they want - gently and easily.
In most psychological treatment with people experiencing emotional problems or “mental illness,” the tendency is to try to get rid of feelings through use of medication or other efforts to not have emotional reactions, such as anger or fear. In reality, emotional responses are generated from within us as internal communication to try to help us meet inner needs.
What do you think happens when these deeply ingrained survival mechanisms feel threatened?
They hold on tighter!
This is what we in psychotherapy have referred to as resistance.
It is important to find better ways to facilitate letting go of and changing unwanted reactive responses. When we work with these unconsciously generated Limiting Parts, we find what they have wanted for us from within. We discover other better ways to have what they have wanted in our experience now. This provides a process that helps resolve our issues in a deep and lasting way. We are then able to live more fully in the experience of the deeper inner resources.
In my therapy, I work with the Core Transformation process that guides us to find out what the Limiting Parts (our unwanted thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs) have been trying to do for us and help have the experience of other better ways to get those needs met. This allows for the unwanted responses to transform and release naturally and easily. We can then have the experience of the underlying gifts and treasures our Parts have always wanted for us.