9. Working with Hopelessness

I am beginning a series addressing a number of questions that are frequently asked in our society today. The past year has been quite challenging, and hopelessness is experienced by many.

There are so many people who are feeling hopeless right now. How do you work with a client who comes to you expressing feelings of hopelessness?

I first let them know I understand and empathize with their feelings. Times are so hard right now, and they have been struggling outside their comfort zone for over a year, living and working so differently and not having the ability to socialize or recreate as they have done in the past. I understand there are also fears about the future.

It is difficult to be working so hard to try to change something and feel we are getting nowhere. We all get caught in doing more of the same, hoping for different results. That is the definition of insanity. First, we must identify what is being done (unconsciously and unintentionally) to perpetuate feeling hopeless.

Define the problem: Hopelessness

What thoughts and experiences are contributing to generating that response: I am telling myself that I am no good, failing at everything I try to do, and then beating myself up for it. I just keep failing at everything and see no way out.

While I absolutely understand feeling hopeless, I explore with my clients if they would like other possibilities to be able to have choices about how they experience life.

I have learned in my NLP training to “model excellence.” I elicit the strategies of what people are doing that is working differently and better and guide my clients to implement choices in their life. It is important to recognize change is possible when they do things differently. (It will not happen when they continue to do more of the same.

It is useful to define goals: If things could be different and better in your experience, even if the external world remains the same, what would you want? The goal could be something like: I would like to feel better about myself, even in the midst of chaos; I want more inner peace.

Unfortunately, one of the problems I see in my clients is they have high self-expectations and are hard on themselves for not meeting them, even in these challenging times. There are tapes that play in our head. It is not really reality, but the reality we live by. These unconscious patterns and programs certainly get in the way of feeling better.

These unconscious patterns and programs are what I work with to shift and transform your unwanted responses, gently and easily, so you recognize that there IS hope.