6. Survival Mechanisms

I want to share some examples of Survival Mechanisms. You might recognize some you use in your own life.

My first example occurs when we have emotional responses like being angry or worried. The Attempted Solution we often use is to do everything we can in order to stop the feelings.

Have you noticed what happens as a result? Usually, the anger or worry hold on tighter, resisting letting go. This gets us caught deeper in a rut, feeling hopeless that nothing will change. We don’t realize that these responses of anger or worry have been here with a positive intention, trying to serve the deeper underlying purpose to help us survive.

Anger and worry are unconsciously generated responses and are not logical or rational. They are working hard to try to get inner needs met based on when these patterns were “learned”, usually at a young age. 

Another example of a Survival Mechanism prevalent in our culture: Intellectualization. This is what we do when we think about our problems with our conscious mind. As adults, we use intellectualization in attempting to understand why we are experiencing our problems, thus keeping our focus on what is wrong and our perception on the cause of our problems. This tends to keep us stuck. I refer to this patterns as: running in our hamster wheels, going faster and going nowhere.

Often, when I ask my clients their goals for what they want to get from therapy, the answer is: “I want to understand why I am depressed or why I have anxiety.” Wanting to understand why tends to be their Attempted Solution, believing that this information will help to solve their problems.

I inquire: “What do you hope to get from knowing why you are the way you are and what circumstances got you there?” The typical answer is that they think understanding why will help them have less depression or anxiety. If this got results toward their goals, it would be useful to continue. It is what they have already been doing and has tended to keep them stuck.

Then I ask my clients: “Would it be okay with you if we could help diminish depression and/or anxiety, even if we don’t have the information of where your problems stem from?” I share that this information often becomes more apparent after things are resolved. Then we can look back in retrospect and recognize patterns and their origins.

My clients are usually more than happy and willing to agree to finding ways to change, even if it does not involve knowing why they are the way they are. I have found that it takes a lot of time and effort to try to determine the reason for our problems based on past underlying issues, and it is difficult to know if we are accurate. It is not useful to delve into the past. As a solution-focused therapist, I am more interested in defining what people want and finding ways to help them get there.